“The universe does not carry debts. It always returns back to you what you gave it.” – Drishti Bablani
Is the Universe trying to punish me? Or test me? I thought to myself as I unplugged from another triggering conversation with my ex-partner.
I am so tired of this BS.
My boundaries had been crossed yet again, my generous heart trampled. Had he failed to hear me the first ten times? Hardly. I repeatedly stated I won’t be used or disrespected.
Why the hell does this keep happening?! I screamed aloud from my perch on the kitchen stools. Am I not communicating clearly enough? Am I being too nice when I say it? Or is he just simply manipulating the situation so he doesn’t have to change?
I couldn’t understand it. How could someone who said they loved me keep taking from me and disrespecting me through their actions? How could they keep asking for more when they were not giving anything in return?
I was puzzled. More than puzzled… disgusted. Angered. Ready to walk away. This wasn’t love. This was a transaction. And I was being dealt the short end of the stick.
This realization immediately sent my nervous system into fight-flight mode. My chest tightened. My heart raced. My whole body felt like it was under attack. All I wanted to do was to fight back, to lash out at my partner for all of his transgressions and run as far away from him as possible.
This feeling? It wasn’t new. I had encountered this exact same angst repeatedly throughout my life—with my mother, with those I once loved romantically, and yes, even with my closest family and friends. The pattern was unmistakable.
People who had asked too much, depended on me too much. People who said they loved me but were actually only interested in what they could get from me. I helped, supported, listened, and gave without receiving the same in return. I made myself available and accessible to people who didn’t deserve it.
At that moment, I decided it was going to stop.
It shouldn’t have taken me so long to see the writing on the wall. The patterns. The repeating cycles. The familiar pain. I should have learned sooner: the patterns only repeated because I allowed them to. The patterns repeated because I hadn’t changed my response to the mistreatment or put a stop to it. I kept waiting for other people to change, when it was me who needed to transform.
Despite having spent four years healing from childhood wounds that had warped my sense of self, I somehow still carried a sign on my forehead that said “Feel free to take what you wish. I won’t ask too much, and I don’t have any needs.”
But the truth was, I did have needs. And I wasn’t advocating for myself strongly enough.
I gave too many chances. Forgave too easily. Expected people to treat me like I treated them. Except, they never did. The scales were always imbalanced.
Prior to this moment, I found myself pointing the finger… becoming upset with others for their lack of reciprocity and respect. Naively thinking the problem arose outside of me.
I would say things to myself like, They should know better. Why can’t they figure it out for themselves? Why are they being so selfish?
Later on my spiritual journey, it dawned on me: these souls were my teachers. People act based on their conditioning, but they also arrive for Divine purposes to teach us certain lessons. These encounters are spiritually orchestrated, not random. No one comes to us by chance. Each person we meet, no matter how they treat us, comes to either elevate us or to expand us. And that expansion can come with a price: the discomfort of opposition and change.
We may think that someone is a bad person because they hurt us, or we may think they are selfish or disrespectful. But in reality, they are pushing our buttons to help us grow. They are showing us something within ourselves that perhaps we have refused to see or weren’t ready to address. This is one of the elements of karma that is often misunderstood.
Every soul we encounter has something to teach us. When someone comes into our lives who has not yet evolved spiritually or emotionally, who has not yet come to understand themselves on a deeper level, it will feel as if that person is our enemy. It will feel as if they perhaps don’t love us or don’t care about us, but in actuality, they are crossing our path for the exact purpose they were meant to fulfill: to help us grow.
What they trigger in us is simply a reflection of where we have more room to grow.
Someone can love us and still act unconsciously. Someone can love us and still cause hurt. Someone can love us and lack self-awareness and emotional intelligence. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are a bad person. It means they are acting from their level of consciousness and awareness, which may not yet be fully evolved and may not correspond with our own.
Rather than being an act of ill will, their so-called selfishness, for example, is simply a reflection of their own survival tactic to get their needs met. In addition, their selfishness is an invitation for us to give less and focus our energy and attention on ourselves. Their disrespect in crossing our boundaries? An invitation for us to tighten our boundaries and stand firm in our worth. Their inability to honor our feelings and our needs? An invitation for us to advocate for ourselves and validate our own feelings.
There is always more to these situations than surface-level disputes. Don’t think for a second that your soul didn’t choose that person to come into your life at precisely this moment in time to teach you precisely these very lessons. Ha! The Universe is so much smarter than you think.
With this being said, let’s dive more specifically into the concept of karma and how it plays out in our lives, including what karma is here to teach us, how it impacts our relationships, and what we can do to clear certain karmic patterns that keep repeating.
What Karma is Here to Teach Us
To begin, karma is not a punishment as people often think. Karma is the Universe’s way of helping our souls evolve and teaching us certain lessons we would not be able to learn on our own. Which is why often these lessons come to us through relationships with other people.
Although it is more complex than what I have time to describe here, in essence karma is the concept that everything we do comes back to us in some way, shape, or form. Including lessons we have yet to master and poor choices we have made.
When we make poor choices and don’t learn a karmic lesson the first time, take heart—the wheel will inevitably come back around. This isn’t random chance; it’s the universe ensuring our growth. We will be given another chance to get it right. The Universe won’t give up on us until we’ve proven our capacity to overcome and evolve.
One example might be that you keep encountering the same situations over and over again, and you ask yourself why. Perhaps you tend to find yourself in relationships where the other person doesn’t act in your best interest… where they repeatedly harm you in some way.
At first, you want to blame the other person or characterize them as the villain, but after a while you begin to see the red flags you overlooked and your role in allowing the behavior to go on too long.
You begin to see what you could have done differently so that you don’t continue suffering the same negative situation again and again.
Karmic lessons aren’t always about what we have done to harm others. Sometimes, they are soul lessons we must master in order to achieve our highest potential and evolve into the fullest expression of ourselves. These can be such things as:
- learning not to abandon ourselves,
- learning to trust our gut,
- being honest with ourselves and others,
- forgiving those who hurt us,
- maintaining our autonomy,
- detaching from outcomes, and
- demonstrating unconditional love.
You will recognize these karmic, or soul, lessons because you may see them repeated in your life, in different situations with different people and they will always bring the same feeling of hurt or frustration. It is only when you change your patterns and make new choices that the lessons will stop.
How Karma Impacts Our Relationships
Because karmic lessons are often learned in relationship with others, the relationships we choose to enter can either be our greatest source of pain or our greatest source of expansion. But one thing is guaranteed: we will learn something.
Not every soul we encounter will have our best interests in mind. Not every soul we encounter will be spiritually or emotionally developed. And not every soul we encounter will understand the lessons at the same level we do. Some may choose to remain oblivious.
We may come together with someone for the sole purpose of breaking a certain pattern, such as reinforcing our boundaries or maintaining our autonomy. That person may challenge us or frustrate us, but ultimately, they are pushing us to evolve. Through our connection with them, we can make new choices that will help us grow beyond our previous limitations.
Nothing is black and white, good or bad. Each person has their own unique gifts and qualities, as well as their own lessons to learn. In addition, each person is at a different place in their soul’s journey and evolution. Some are highly evolved and highly self-aware, while others are still learning or perhaps choosing to remain stuck. I call these spiritual “newborns.”
Each will arrive in their own time.
It’s best not to judge where someone is on their journey, as we were once there too. Everyone has access to the same information and resources that we do. The real question is: will they seek them out? Will they choose to stay stuck, or will they boldly move beyond their comfort zone and master the lessons?
The answer will determine what kind of relationship we want with that person. In some cases, it will be better for us to let them go.
How to Clear Repeating Karmic Patterns
Now that you know a little about karmic lessons and how karma impacts our relationships, the next question becomes: how do we get ourselves off the wheel of repeating lessons and patterns?
We know that entering a relationship with someone displaying a lot of red flags will lead to self-destruction, but we catch ourselves doing it anyway. Why?
We know that someone who consistently breaks their word cannot be trusted, but we continue to give them second chances anyway. Why?
The answer is threefold:
- Healing our childhood wounds
- Recognizing the patterns & learning from them
- Choosing an action that stops the cycle
It is one thing to see where we have gone wrong, but it is another to stop ourselves from doing it again. The latter requires much more work and discipline than most people are willing to offer. Changing our patterns is not easy. It is a muti-faceted, multi-step process.
It requires us to change our psyche… to change the beliefs and conditioning that caused us to make the bad choices in the first place and to heal the underlying wounds that have created these beliefs.
It’s a process.
In order for us to break a pattern or overcome a repeating lesson, we must get to the point where the pain of our repeating negative experiences pushes us to the brink of evolution. We must reach the point where we are sick and tired of being miserable and finally decide to do something about it.
Clearing repeating karmic patterns is possible. Anyone can do it if they choose. You need only be willing and ready and have the tools and support. For me, it was most helpful to have a third party who could keep me accountable. In my case, it was my therapist. She helped me to transform some of the underlying wounds and beliefs that were causing me to make bad choices while also holding me accountable when I showed signs of relapse.
In your case, maybe it will be the help of a trusted friend, a mentor, a pastor, a spiritual coach, or an online course. Whatever the case may be, having support and accountability is essential. Even if you are an experienced psychologist, resolving long-standing patterns and beliefs on your own is nearly impossible. Even therapists have therapists. And coaches have coaches.
If you aren’t sure where to start, I’d be happy to guide you in the right direction.
In conclusion, I want to remind you that we live in a loving Universe. It is always encouraging our expansion. Our only job is to master the lessons.
As you awaken more and more, you will become more adept at pattern recognition and also more accountable and self-aware. You’ll begin to understand that lessons and patterns are not repeating as a punishment, but rather to help you master yourself and make better choices.
Each time you make a new choice or master a new lesson, you receive a key to unlock a door that advances you to the next level. The more doors you unlock, the greater your potential, your happiness, and your success.
You hold the key.
Be blessed. ♥
©2025 Divine Soul Guidance
orker, and spiritual mentor who guides others on their awakening journey to heal from unhealthy patterns and behaviors, free themselves from the past, and step into becoming their most authentic, aligned selves. She is the author of Bravely Becoming © 2021 and the course creator of Soul Awakened, a step-by-step guide to navigating the awakening process.
