“Anything you lose by speaking your truth isn’t a loss. It’s an alignment.” ~unknown
Prior to my healing journey, I used to think I was doing something wrong when I would bring up an issue or a subject that rubbed someone the wrong way. I would feel guilty, even responsible for their feelings, causing me to regret having shared the truth.
Did I say that the wrong way?
Maybe I should have said that differently.
I never should have said anything in the first place, I would think to myself remorsefully.
Speaking the truth felt scary to me, because it usually meant that I risked losing or upsetting someone I loved. It meant being punished or reprimanded. Like the time I broke one of my grandparents’ special china plates and stupidly confessed, only to have my grandfather explode in anger. His curses pierced like daggers down to my core.
My 9-year old self remembered that one for years. Honesty was met with hostility.
It felt safer to keep the peace, to avoid conflict, and to abandon my needs and desires. Growing up, that is how I learned to fit in. It was how Iearned love. It was how I protected myself. And also how I survived.
Being quiet and agreeable meant I was safe. It meant everyone around me was comfortable, while I secretly suffered.
Over time, my fear of conflict caused me to develop a warped sense of self, which led me to become not only desperately codependent but also oblivious. Oblivious to the ways I was abandoning myself and allowing others to treat me. But also oblivious to how I was remaining in situations that were harmful to my spirit:
Jobs I hated.
People who disrespected me.
Environments that made me feel sick or stifled.
The list goes on.
Eventually, I reached the brink of utter exasperation and discontent. A breaking point six years ago that pushed me over the edge. I finally said to myself, Enough is enough. I can’t do this anymore.
I quit my life-sucking job, left an unhealthy and codependent marriage, and completely dismantled my life as I knew it. Every aspect of my life needed to be deconstructed, brick by brick.
It was all out of alignment: friendships, family relationships, my relationship with myself, my career, my hobbies and passions, my daily practices, where I lived. All of it.
I had lost myself, and I could feel it.
Not only emotionally, but physically as well. My body was screaming to get my attention.
Anxiety.
Stress.
Uneasiness.
Muscle tension.
Back aches.
Digestive issues.
Stiffness.
Disrupted sleep.
And more.
My body was carrying the weight of all of the pretending.
I was pretending I was fine when I wasn’t.
I was pretending to be happy in my relationships when I wasn’t.
I was pretending I didn’t have needs when I did.
I kept convincing myself that as long as I kept pretending, I could hold it all together. I could keep living my current life without having to get uncomfortable, without having to upset anyone. Doing so would keep me safe. It would prevent me from being rejected, scorned, abandoned, or distressed.
It would allow me to keep people in my life who provided me with a sense of love and belonging, even though the connections weren’t nurturing or authentic.
But the funny thing was, living a life that was out of alignment with my soul wasn’t keeping the peace. It was creating a silent battle inside of me.
It was doing the very thing I was trying to avoid: causing me to suffer.
The day I reached my breaking point was the day I decided that it was time to stop letting my fears control me. The fear of disappointing or upsetting others was causing me to abandon myself at the expense of my own well being and peace. It led me to tolerate people, places, and situations that were misaligned with my highest good.
No, no, no. I will no longer live this way, I told myself. This ends here.
I found myself an incredible therapist who helped me unpack it all. Under her care, I took a deep dive into my past: my upbringing, the relationships I hadwith my caregivers, my patterns and wounding. I explored several forms of trauma therapy, learned about attachment styles, and uncovered layers and layers of self-sabotaging patterns and beliefs… all of which helped me get to the bottom of why I was settling in my life.
Stepping away from my long-term relationship and career were two of the best choices I ever made. Although both decisions caused a lot of discomfort, breaking free from the hold of people and environments that no longer nourished me allowed me the chance to rediscover myself again. It opened up a space for me to heal deeply and reconnect with my true self.
Today, I want to share with you five things I learned through this process of healing and coming home to myself, so that you can learn to recognize the patterns early on.
Here’s how to recognize when something is not aligned with your soul:
Warning Sign #1: You Can't Openly Express Yourself
Think for a minute about a work relationship, a friendship, or a family relationship where you can freely and openly say how you feel and what’s on your mind. Think of a relationship where you can be fully and authentically yourself, without having to hide yourself (your quirks, your interests, your dreams, your insecurities). How do you feel around those individuals? Do you feel lighter? More comfortable? More open? More seen?
Next, I want you to think of a work relationship, friendship, or family relationship where you are afraid to share your feelings or say what’s on your mind. Identify an example of someone you know who you feel guarded towards, perhaps uncomfortable around, or even unsafe in being yourself. Do you notice yourself shrinking or staying silent about certain things? Do you notice yourself trying to avoid conflict with that person because of how they have received your truth in the past? How does your body feel when you are around them? On edge? Uncomfortable? Restricted? Invisible?
These are all signs that a relationship is out of alignment. When you have to mold ourselves to meet someone else’s needs, to make yourself more agreeable, or to keep someone else comfortable, the relationship has already failed. You are not asking too much. You are asking the wrong people.
Anyone who genuinely resonates with you will not make you feel this way.
Warning Sign #2: You Dumb Yourself Down or Put on a Facade
Secondly, you will notice if something is misaligned with your soul when you have to dumb yourself down or put on a facade of some sort. Have you noticed that in certain relationships (work, family, friend, romantic) you don’t feel comfortable sharing all you know? Or all you feel? Or all you observe or read intuitively?
Perhaps when you have fully expressed yourself in the past with these individuals, your truth wasn’t received well. Perhaps the person slighted you, dismissed you, or made a comment to cut you down in your wholeness? Whatever the case may be, if you notice yourself playing small, sharing half truths, or only sharing the parts of yourself you think the person can handle, that relationship is NOT in alignment.
We should feel fully seen and held in our relationships. We should feel comfortable being our authentic selves. We should have the freedom to shine boldly, take up space, and stand tall. In fact, the people in our lives should be encouraging us to do these things, not simply tolerating our brilliance.
True intimacy and connection is formed in spaces when you can fully reveal yourself, and be met with safety.
Notice the people who clap for you. Notice the people who encourage your success, who want to see you win. Notice the people who are curious about your passions, curious about your projects, curious about your thoughts and perceptions. Notice, and then act accordingly.
These are the people you want at your table. They will not try to diminish your greatness. They will invite it.
Warning Sign #3: Your Body Feels Tense or Agitated
Additionally, you will know if something is not in alignment with your soul when your body displays outward signs of distress. You may feel uptight or tense in certain people’s energy or in certain places. You may notice yourself becoming annoyed or agitated frequently (or sometimes the other person will be agitated with you). Or, you may experience inner turmoil as a result of the relationship or situation: anxiety, uneasiness, racing thoughts, or a feeling that something is off.
Our bodies often convey warning signs to us before our mind is willing to accept the reality.
For example, people who have been in toxic or unhealthy relationships for a period of time often develop physical symptoms reflecting prolonged stress: hair loss, graying, weight loss or weight gain, acne or skin dullness, bags under the eyes, etc. Our bodies send out the signal to exit the situation, but often we don’t listen. Even though we sense the misalignment, we dismiss the cues.
When something is not for you, whether that is a relationship, a job, or the place you live, your body will be the first to tell you. Listen.
Warning Sign #4: You Experience More Resistance Than Ease & Flow
Next, anything that is not in harmony with your life will create friction, referred to in spiritual circles as resistance. Resistance can show up in many forms: verbal conflicts, disagreements, a push-pull factor, highs and lows, a lack of peace or clarity, doubts and fears, emotional tension, inner angst, and more. It may seem like nothing is flowing smoothly in your relationship, job, or situation, almost as if you are swimming upstream.
Due to the constant resistance, these situations often leave us feeling emotionally drained. We may feel as if we have to work extra hard to get our point across, to make it through the day, or to keep the relationship afloat. Nothing feels easy.
On the contrary, when something is aligned with our soul, things will unfold effortlessly, we will feel nourished and recharged, and we will have a sense of peace and clarity. Therefore, the more something causes us to swim upstream, the more we should take it as our sign to go in the opposite direction.
Warning Sign #5: The Person / Place / Situation Steers You Off Your Path
Lastly, people, places, or situations that are not in alignment with our soul will often lead us further from ourselves, rather than drawing us closer to our purpose. Let’s say, for instance, that you are someone who really loves to paint and have creative outlets. All of your life, you have been making art in your free time (painting, wood projects, arts and crafts, etc). But once you enter a long-term relationship, all of your passions fall to the wayside.
You now find yourself conforming to your partner’s hobbies and interests, causing you to miss out on the things you really love to do. Resentment forms and you and your partner begin arguing more. When you share your concerns with him/her and tell them you’d love to get back into painting and want to trade it for doing an activity your partner wants to do, they meet you with pushback and annoyance.
If the relationship is aligned to your highest and best good, it will help you become MORE, not less. It will ignite your passions, fuel your inspiration, and carve out space for you to be your whole self.
The same is true with a career or the place you’re living. They should speak life into you and help you grow, not feel stagnant or trapped.
Nothing that is meant for you will ever take you off your path. It will lead you toward it.
To conclude, alignment is what happens naturally when you are being your authentic self, following your soul’s guidance, and in the flow of life. The people, places, and things that are on the same frequency will seamlessly align with you.
You won’t have to force anything or struggle to be understood. You won’t have to change yourself to make someone else comfortable. It won’t feel exhausting or tense in that person’s presence, because essentially they are you. When something is aligned with your soul’s path, it’s as if a part of you lives in them, and a part of them lives in you. Your values, energies, and lifestyles blend together with ease.
Alignment will be felt in the body. You will feel seen, heard, and accepted, making you more relaxed and open. Your body will relax in safety, and you will express your truth without fear. Finally, your body will feel energized and nourished, helping you to live as the fullest expression of yourself.
Let me leave you with this: if you have the courage to release the things that are weighing you down, causing friction or steering you off your path, you make space for something better to enter in. The door to a world of possibilities opens.
You may not be ready to let go of everything that is causing disharmony all at once, and that’s okay. It may not be today, or tomorrow, but little by little I hope you have the courage to listen to what your soul is calling you to do.
Remember, what you seek is seeking you. It will find you when you are ready.
You only have to let it in.
Much love.♥
©2025 Divine Soul Guidance
If you’d like to go deeper with this topic, or desire more guidance and support on your awakening journey, I would be honored to work with you. Follow the link on the Contact Me page to get started.
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orker, and spiritual mentor who guides others on their awakening journey to heal from unhealthy patterns and behaviors, free themselves from the past, and step into becoming their most authentic, aligned selves. She is the author of Bravely Becoming © 2021 and the course creator of Soul Awakened, a step-by-step guide to navigating the awakening process.
